Wednesday, April 25, 2007
I told Jason over the weekend that I would really like to try to make it a point of coming down to his office once a week to meet him for lunch...so today was our first family lunch out...we had a picnic on the lawn at the church under a tree. It was great. We saw lots of frineds so that was fun.
I realized yesterday and today things that I have, I think always known about myself...but realized it in its fruition yesterday. I LOVE being a homemaker. Yesterday I found great delight in vaccuuming, planting some plants, taking care of Caroline, and making sure we had dinner ready. I believe the Lord has created me for this role...as much as I felt he had created me to be the KidStuf director...for that season that was what I was to do...and now...this is truly the most fun I've had in awhile. Happiness truly is fleeting...JOY on the other hand-this truly is one of the most amazing fruits of the spirit- it is worth choosing everyday, Things are different, really different. I relate to others, see the world, love my husband differently now I think. Things that used to "matter" now mean nothing to me. What matters are the green grass moments...moments when we pause, and take time to take off our shoes and walk in the grass...
Sunday, April 22, 2007
We had a great weekend as a family. Caroline went to her first wedding which means that her dad and I went to our first night out...well 2 hours out...Thanks to Mimi (Jason's mom) we were able to go to the rehearsal dinner for a little while with out her.I will say it was difficult, but really nice to be out just Jason and I. These are some pics from today...I had fun taking them...she has hilarious facial expressions...she plays well, and sleeps well, and she and I are getting better every day with nursing. This is a totally different kind of perseverance than I have ever experienced. But then I look at her face, and all of the hours are worth it! Thanks for those daily reminders Lord.
Enjoy the pics.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Okay...so wow parenting is a major learning curve...knowing what she needs...how to determine a cry...laying down selfishness...it truly isn't about me at this point. When she wakes in the middle of the night...i can choose so many things...to let her cry and make her wait longer to eat...or I can get up and meet her needs. Or try to at that point. With each feeding, and the difficulties that go along w/ that I am reminded that I am not in control. My sweet husband reminded me of that yesterday when I was sad about how much weight she has gained. He reminded me that while she was inside I wasn't in control - Jesus was - and even now - I am not in control- Jesus is! I am thankful!
The other night in the wee morning hours...I was worried about how much she was getting and I pumped an amazing amount at that particular feeding and I felt like the Lord said- "Allison, how dare you doubt my provision for Caroline. I will meet her needs just when she needs them and not a moment sooner. You too, Allison, don't doubt my provision for you and Jason. I will meet your needs just when you need them an not a moment sooner." Ahhh...our Lord knows us well, and knows how to speak to us in the whispers of the night.
She is one month old today! How is that possible already?
Monday, April 9, 2007
Sunday, April 8, 2007
So do you say happy holy week?...I don't think so...however this weekend provided yet another perspective of our miracle here. We decided to take Caroline up to Church on Good Friday (another interesting phrase) for church as the crowds would be less, and schedule a bit easier to navigate. As the service was about to begin Jason (a great daddy by the way) said "Why don't you go in and worship and I'll take Caroline." This was great! I stood at the back of the auditorium, the music began, and my hand instictively went to my tummy...oh wait...she's not there anymore to worship with. For the last 10 months or so when we have been in a worship situation, one hand has gone to my tummy, and the other has gone in the air...she and I have worshiped intimately with one another. Yet, Friday night a realization hit me...Caroline is her own person & soul. She is separate from me...she will, on her own, have to make a decision as to whether or not she follows Christ and worships. So, what I see this weekend, on the holiest of weekends, is that our daughter is not "ours"...she is the Lords. It is our responsibility to raise her in a fashion that honors him, and brings him glory...oh that our perspective would always be to point her to Him.
Happy Easter. He is risen!
Happy Easter. He is risen!
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Well hello all of you fans out there of the Hodges blog. I thought it only fitting that I weigh in...seeing as Jake has been our voice through this whole process. It would be funny to go back through the whole labor and delivery process and tell you my perspective...but alas that would take a while. The thing that I thought I'd share today...is a bit of my perspective and how it began to change during labor.
Actually it all probably changed when we found out we were prego...however, during labor I think I began to get a glimmer, that I have come to understand more over the last 14 days...a mom's perspective and that she'll do anything for her child. I have begun now to understand why my mom looks at my brother and I the way she does, I now understand why Kansas feels so far away for my parents...because honestly the next room feels far away from Caroline. I am understanding how pain is worth the reward. Labor was painful, however, sweet Caroline was on the other end (no pun intended)...pain during nursing (sorry boys to be honest here) is worth it because it means she is getting the best possible nutrition I can provide. We thank Jesus every time we nurse for providing the food to make her big and strong.
A mom's perspective just a few days in will of course continue to develop...I guess I am trying to say that I think I am understanding more mom, how and why you love Darren and I the way you do!
I love my perspective...I see her expressions, I hear her cries, I see her smiles from where I sit...my perspective is incredible. Thanks Lord.