The Dark

Night time does funny things to the mind. The dark always feels more lonely, scary, daunting...tonight no different.

Let's recap first that I finally did go to the urgent care place and indeed got me a Z-Pack! Woo hoo! So thankful for some drugs. Praying that it doesn't affect my milk supply too much. Yesterday was a very hopeful day for me. Wyatt seemed to be improving...he did a 1/2 liter of O2 all day and I was pumped about drugs. Then Jason left and things for me always seem a little harder once he leaves.

The diaper changes - oh his poor little bottom. And honestly, I don't know what more we can do to help heal it...I guess that is another thing that just takes time...
The RT came in (respiratory therapist) and as he listened to Wyatt's lungs he said that the top part of them sound real good and clear...but the bottom of his lungs were still too wet. He saw that WCH was still on a 1/2 liter and he got a little fiesty (which i like) that after 6 days he shouldn't need that much O2. So he did his deal at 9pm and said that he wanted to try a different kind of treatment and would call the doc to get it approved and we would go from there. Doc approved it. It is just a more aggressive approach to getting all the mucus out. First deep suction (tube going down his hose through nasal passage to back of throat) and they suck out gunk...then the new breathing treatment is a mask that is held onto his face and it actually uses more pressure and forces the medicine and air into the lungs. The hope is that this will force the lower part of his lungs to force out the mucus down there. I HATE WATCHING THIS BEING DONE! I hold his little arms down and try to hold his head in place while he is screaming his head off. I told Jason last night on the phone that this is so hard b/c I know he needs it...yet I also feel this pull to be his "voice" and what if I just need to say one time "ok that's enough"...Wyatt doesn't have a voice...that's my responsibility. Oh for wisdom!
In addition to that Wyatt is back up to 1 liter of O2 tonight..he just can't seem to maintain the lower levels when he is sleeping.
I am thankful that he seems to continue to nurse well...and when he doesn't have a dirty diaper he sleeps well.

I am anxious for the sun to rise. Remembering that again His mercies are new every morning and we will attack our 7th day in the hospital as best we can.